Director's Message
My Condolences January 2008Director’s Message January 2008My Condolences Death: this is one subject that we don’t talk about much in this death-denying culture. We have managed to find ways to extend the lifespan through childhood immunization, better nutrition, and the wonders of modern medicine. Popular culture—as reflected in the media-- focuses on how to stay active, fit and erase the signs of aging and tends to deny the reality of death. When faced with death, we often feel uncomfortable, awkward, and at a loss for words to comfort friends and family or to express what we are experiencing. We turn to Hallmark to find the words for us, and hope that the moment passes quickly. A few months ago I saved a Newsweek column (5-28-07 p. 20) by Jess Decourcy Hinds, a young English teacher who had recently lost her father and was frustrated by people’s efforts to talk her out of her grief. She knew that her grief will persist for years, and that if she is permitted to feel her sadness she will not fall apart, but become stronger and more effective. She offered these guidelines in the “Art of Condolence:”
Some of the greatest gifts that can be offered are listening and specific offers of help (“what can I do to help you?” or “can I get groceries for you today”, rather than “call me if you need anything”). If it is appropriate in your relationship, touch can be a gift. These are needed for months after the loss, particularly at “anniversary” times such as birthdays. An offer to go to lunch or an exhibit can lift the loneliness. Be brave enough to talk about the deceased person, especially good memories.Be respectful of the desire for privacy.Be open to different cultural and religious understandings of death, and a range of emotional responses which might appear to contradict each other. Each person’s journey through bereavement is uniquely different. As we age, and working in the aging field, we get many opportunities to practice until we become comfortable and get it right. I am sorry for your loss. Susan W. Hoskins LCSW Executive Director |
Previous MessagesJune 2013 - Age Friendly Communities June 2013 - Age Friendly Communities May 2013 - Navigating a Changing HealthCare Landscape March 2013 - Navigating Life’s Transitions February 2013 - Partners in Caring Princeton January 2013 - Men as Caregivers December 2012 - The Safety Net October 2012 - Documenting Your History September 2012 - A Journey of Transformation July - August 2012 - Gratitude & Moving March 2012 - Patient-centered Care February 2012 - Can you Spare an Hour? January 2012 - Challenges & Opportunities December - Are you Prepared for Emergencies? October - Chocolate for Memory September- Looking Back and Looking Forward Lessons and Legacies, March 2011 Independent Living February 2011 Witness to my Life December 2010 Elections, benefits and open enrollment November 2010 Strategic Planning September 2010 Hiring Home Care December 2009 Annual Giving by Sharon Naeole November 2009 Flu Pandemic 2009 October 2009 Healthy Memory, Healthy Mind September 2009 A Personal Perspective on Caregiving July/August 2009 Wei Ji: Crisis, Danger and Opportunity April 2009 Write your own obituary March 2009 Hope and Vision in Challenging Times Medicare Changes 2008: Take A Look! December 2008 Scams, Frauds and Rip-offs November 2008 Engaged Retirement: Beyond Financial Planning October 2008 September 2008 Caregiver Dilemmas Finding Rhythm and Purpose July/August 2008 V + OA = ER (Volunteering + Older Americans=Engaged Retirement)May 2008 Have You Had the Talk Yet? March 2008 Get Moving with FitRhythms™! February 2008 What Are Social Services? November 2007 Plan for the Future September 2007 The Up-side of Aging Summer 2007 National Conference on Aging: Let's ReThink Aging April 2007 Season of Giving December 2006 April Hill McElroy October 2006 Civic Engagement September 2006 White House Conference on Aging May 2006 Are You Prepared? October 2005 Watch Your Language September 2005 The End of the Journey May 2005 New Dietary Guidelines February 2005 Civic Engagement with GrandPals October 2004 The Challenge of Giving Care May 2004 Seniors On The Move April 2004 Random Acts of Kindness December 2003 Civic Engagement November 2003 |